What's new

My memory's really starting to go. I'm one of the few keyholders at my workplace, which probably isn't a good thing, because I find it increasingly difficult to remember if I locked the doors at night. I've already forgotten twice already to lock the doors; I've been warned that if I forget one more time, I'm fired. The other night, I couldn't even remember 2 minutes after I left if I locked the doors. It's one thing if I tried hard to remember and it slowly came back to me, but for me, it's like amnesia. I just draw a blank. I can't tell you how many times I've been so paranoid about it that I've walked back from the subway station to work just to double check.

Ever wake up from a dream that was so convincing that when you woke up, you actually questioned whether or not it happened in real life? This morning, I woke up convinced that I had killed two people, disposed of their bodies in some gruesome fashion and that I had blocked those memories out of my mind. Who knows? With my shoddy memory, maybe I have.

I was gonna write about how awful work's been this week, but instead, I'll focus on the positive aspect of it. Work now is almost exactly like how work was a year ago; I still bust my ass 6 days a week at my job, only I know what I'm doing and I'm a lot better at my job than I was a year ago. Working that often really makes me appreciate the one day I have off and as much as I want to veg out at home and do nothing, I force myself to go out and make the most of my free time. So I'm happy to say the past two Thursdays have been great. It'd be nice if I could get one more day off, but I guess this will suffice. It's too bad school starts again next week, which will throw off my schedule once more, but I'm hoping I'll find the motivation to go out and do something the way I've been doing the past two weeks. Here's hoping.

Report cards

Being a pack rat saved me a ton of trouble today. Who knew annoying habits could one day prove useful?
I needed a transcript and a course syllabus for a course I took at York, in order to get deferred standing on one of the courses I need to graduate. I had both at one point, but I had a feeling I threw out the syllabus, as it was completely useless and it seems like something I'd throw out. I was pretty bummed about it, considering I couldn't remember the course code, or the professor's name, so even if I did need to request a copy of the syllabus from York, I wouldn't know where to begin. I gave up hope on it, only to discover it when I was trying to look for a copy of my university transcript. I was overjoyed.
The problem is now I can't find my transcript. Life's a bitch like that.

While attempting to look for my transcript, though, I came across some old report cards. Here's an excerpt from my kindergarten report card:

New experiences are not the threat to him that they were earlier in the year. Sometimes Darren's mind does not seem to be on what he is doing and he can be quite forgetful when it comes to tidying up and taking things home.

My Grade 2 teacher wrote:

Attempts at establishing good, consistent work habits have proven inconsistent...Darren continues to have difficulties attending to the task at hand...I would like to see Darren develop more self pride in his work...Darren is a capable student who does not always work to his full potential because he spends too much time socializing with his peers.

My favorite, though, is my grade 1 report card:

Darren has displayed a keen interest in drawing ninja turtles this term. His pictures have been very detailed.

Sounds like I was more awesome as a kid than I am now.

Fuck what you heard; it's what you're hearing

I was going to write about how school's over and my thoughts on that, but I realized I don't really have any thoughts on it. Sergio requested I post this for everyone to hear, so that should be more interesting.

The Hood Internet - The XX Gon' Give It To Ya (DMX x The XX)byhoodinternet

And this is my contribution for a song.

I call them April Babies because they fools.

For the past two Sundays, as I'm walking to work, this rather chunky and disheveled looking guy in sunglasses has come up to me with well wishes. I think the first time, he said "Have a good year man!" and continued to walk. This past Sunday, he said "Have a good day, man!". I said "Thanks, you too!". I can't tell if he's secretly taking the piss or if he's slightly wacked out or maybe he's just a happy guy in general. I wonder if I'll see him this Sunday. Maybe I'll beat him to the punch and wish him a good day.

One of my classmates showed up to the exam today and for some reason, announced that he was going to "sit next to my good friend Darren". He has it in his head that I know my shit for some reason and I guess he wanted to cheat off me. Thankfully, he revealed that he wasn't going to cheat off me, but he was just going to sneak his notes in with his exam paper and use that to cheat (so I still have no idea why he wanted to sit right next to me, because I'm sure as hell not his "good friend"). It hardly comes as a surprise that he ended up getting caught halfway through the exam. What kills me is that he didn't get slapped with a zero; all the teacher did was take his paper and tell him "I should be asking you to leave right now". He was allowed to continue writing the exam.
So the moral of the story is: cheat all you fucking want, because apparently the teachers at Seneca are too spineless to enforce anything, let alone a supposed zero tolerance policy.

My dad bought a few bikes a few weeks ago and one night, Sergio and I decided to take them out for a spin around the block. We forgot just how much fun it could be to just go cruising around on a bike. So we decided that we should get our own bikes, since neither of us had one. So we each got a bike yesterday.
We both went riding around for a total of maybe 90 minutes yesterday; I haven't had that much exercise in almost a year. I'm hoping I put it to good use, considering the money I spent on it.
Oh, and the kicker? Sergio and I got identical bikes. No, we did not get matching outfits too and no, we didn't hold hands when we rode together. Also, in other non-gay news, my ass hurts. I was warned that riding lowrider bikes isn't too comfortable since it doesn't leave too much leg room to pedal, but that doesn't even bother me. The part that kills me is that the banana seat my bike comes with has zero cushioning, so I feel. Every. Bump. My conversation with Sergio today went something like:
"How's your ass?"
"It hurts!"
"Mine too"
Like there aren't enough gay jokes about Sergio and I, right?

I thought I heard every good song from the 80's, but I was wrong. No one told me about Chalk Circle.

Lights out

Memorable Quotes:
"Hey, is it degrading if I call someone 'my Chinese lamb'?"
-Sergio, who meant "someone" as in his wife, who isn't Chinese.

"I think if I had a dark skinned friend, I'd call him Lights Out"
-Sergio, after I told him giving people nicknames based on their ethnicity or skin color might not be wise.

"You're not gonna put that in your blog, are you?"
-Sergio, referring to his previous statements.

Stop laughing!

Okay, so enough people have been told about this, so I may as well let everyone else in on it.

When I was a kid (like, maybe 9 years old), my dad bought me a Wolverine action figure and from then on, I got into superheroes and comics. Upon seeing Magneto's name for the first time, I completely misread it. It's not like I was some illiterate dumbass, but for some reason, Magneto's name completely threw me off.
So how did I read it if I didn't read it as Magneto?

Mantango.

As embarrassed as I am about it, it seems to have brought a lot of people joy and laughter. Yeah, really. And in case anyone missed it on my Facebook, here's a sweet drawing Owen made.

Kinda like a big deal

I was busy trying to nap in the school cafeteria while my classmates were busy killing time or studying. One of them woke me up just to ask me what my GPA was. I duly told her what it was and asked why she was so interested.
"You're famous"
Unable to put together what my GPA and my apparent fame had anything to do with one another, I asked her to explain. Supposedly one of my teachers mentioned my name to the class of students, telling them that I'm smart. So one of the students asked the girl if she knew a Darren. I had to laugh; I'm certain there's a good number of people in my program that are doing far better than me. I'm not sure what it is about me that sticks out to my teachers.
Possibly my terrible posture and laughable facial hair.

My mom found a box in a drawer containing her old TTC student Metropasses and showed them to me. It was cute, seeing my mom as a teenager. She had pretty good style back then. I was going to ask what happened to that style, but didn't feel like getting smacked upside the head by her. My dad, on the other hand, wasn't so smart and made fun of her relatively large Chicken Little glasses. He got smacked upside the head.
So I guess the question of who I inherited my lack of smoothness with the opposite sex from is now answered.

Thanks to Pineapple Express, I feel sheepish for admitting I like Godspeed You! Black Emperor. I found out today that they're back to play a few shows, though, so fuck it; I'm excited again. I hope there's a Toronto date somewhere in there.

They told me the classics never go out of style...

I never got to own a copy physical copy of the album; even now, the album I have on my iPod is what I downloaded maybe 7 or 8 years ago. Sergio has a vinyl copy, but he refuses (pun not intended) to sell it to me. I only get to own his vinyl if he dies before I do (and vice versa with my records). So I'm pretty stoked that Epitaph is issuing a deluxe version of the album. It's one of the few albums I still listen to on a pretty regular basis and I still haven't gotten sick of it.

My Friday? It was Good.

It was great to see everyone today (you too, Sebastien Grainger); I've been too busy the past few months to really go out. It feels like it's been forever since I've actually been able to hang out with friends, take photos and just relax. I think I really needed it before the final push this month.

Hope your Good Friday was enjoyable too.

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Once again, the last 3 days, Lenny style.

The Good:
-I tried a shawarma for the first time in my life. It may have been because I hadn't eaten for 10 hours, but it was really delicious. I've been missing out.
-drinks with Sergio, Len, Michelle, Owen and Karloong & co.
-watching the Office with Mike, Haleigh, Ramy, Matt, JP, Owen and Sergio.
-trying to get through that one stage in a video game and failing miserably.
-talking openly about Sergio's wife's tits right in front of Sergio's wife.
-the assignment I thought was due yesterday was postponed a week.
-work was mostly smooth.
-the Spoon/Deerhunter show was a lot of fun. Great tunes and great company.
-remembering I have no school or work on Good Friday, and then finding out the weather's gonna be awesome on Friday.

The Bad:
-I only caught the last 3 songs in the Deerhunter set because of work. Thankfully, 2 out of the 3 songs were some of the ones I really wanted to hear.
-apparently, the Tall People Association of Toronto were holding a meeting at Sound Academy last night as well, because it felt like every tall person in the city showed up for the show and decided to block my view.
-work was mostly smooth, but I still got in shit.
-I went from going broke to going broke-er.
-trying to get through that one stage in a video game and failing miserably.

The Ugly:
-Sergio taking public urination to new heights (or lows, depending on how you want to look at it).

Can't get the stink off

Unlike most people, my hair starts to smell funky after a mere two days. I know some people who go without washing their hair for weeks and not only does it not stink, it actually still smells decent.
I haven't washed my hair in three days. I could occasionally smell my own hair, which isn't a good sign. So I went to the bathroom and sprayed Febreze at head level up into the air and let the mist fall into my hair. Now all I smell are berries.

No, you're gross. YOU. You're gross.

I've made a huge mistake

Ive made a huge mistake

Lenny Styles

My weekend, Lenny style:

Good:
-drinks with Owen, Matt, Michelle, Haleigh and Sergio.
-trying to figure out who sang which 90's rock songs with aforementioned people.
-hanging around the Harbourfront area with Sergio and Len on some official SOS business.
-sushi with Sergio and Len.
-winning a free coffee from Coffee Time's own roll-up-the-rim thing on the first coffee I bought from them, as opposed to not having won a single thing yet from Tim Horton's for a few weeks now.
-having made the most sales at work yesterday.
-got my original copy of 'Still Life With Woodpecker' back from Sergio. He kept it for so long, I ended up buying another copy (which I also let someone borrow and haven't seen since).

Bad:
-Caesars at Ballroom. They were so bad I only drank one.
-"Mantango"
-the sushi made me go to the bathroom thrice in a row.
-my dinner the night before also made me go to the bathroom thrice in a row. It's been an awesome weekend for my ass.
-I've been really really tired.
-kind of going broke.

I was going to bus it down to Sound Academy in a rush after work tonight to catch what was left of the Spoon/Deerhunter concert. Then I realized it's next Monday. Close call.

Memorable Quotes:
"Chicks are crazy. Even after you put a ring on it"
-Sergio, who's probably gonna regret this if his wife ever finds this blog.

Gay

When I came home last night, my mom informed me that my dad had taken the liberty to set all the clocks one hour ahead for Daylight Savings. Including the ones in my room.
"He saw the poster in your room"
"Which poster?"
"The one on your closet door"
I already knew where the conversation was heading (hint: it was heading for hilarity). This is the poster hanging on my closet door.



Because my closet door is always open and my parents never venture into my room anymore, it was the first time my dad had seen the poster, despite it having been there for at least two years. He found the photo so strange that he even called my mom into my room to look at it. A lot gets lost in translation, but the basic conversation between my mom and dad went something like:
Dad: That's pretty scandalous/perverted.
Mom: Yeah, but we have nothing to worry about. I'm pretty sure he's straight.
Thanks mom!

Abby Normal

I went back to the doctor's to get the results from my x-ray. I liked how when I sat down in front of the doc, he just sat there and said "Yes?", despite the x-ray results being on his desk directly in front of him.
"Um. You sent me for an x-ray last week? You wanted to go over the results with me?"
He just blankly looked down and began reading from the report. So it turns out I have some sort of "abnormality" in the region where I have the pain. He didn't say what. He ventured a guess that it might be a dilated blood vessel somewhere in there. He suggested I take another x-ray in the summer to follow-up on it. I felt like I wasted a lot of time. Rather than make separate trips to see him and take an x-ray, he could have simply just texted me on my cell phone saying "i dunno lol".
He also informed me that I'm anemic; something about thalassemia. Something I was already aware of. So basically, nothing has been accomplished and I'm no closer to finding out what's wrong with me.

I'm getting a second opinion.

License To Drive

I wasn't going to say anything about Corey Haim's death, because frankly, I don't care. Then I realized he was in 'License To Drive' which was one of the first movies I ever saw (that I can remember). Maybe even the first. It was either that or 'Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade'.

So yeah, thanks for the childhood memories, Corey.

Moar like XXX-ray

So I went to the doctor yesterday to get my weird organ pain checked out. I'm not really a big fan of my doctor; he seems really antsy to get his patients out of his office in record time. I once asked him if there was anything he could give me to reduce my humungously swollen elbow and he simply gave me Advil. Yesterday was no different. He didn't even ask to check me. I explained everything to him and he immediately wrote me up a form to get an x-ray. He asked a total of 3 questions and that was about it.

I went to get my x-rays done today. The lady took me to a cramped stall with a curtain drawn, the size of my bedroom closet. She handed me a gown. The kind where you tie it in the back and shows off your ass.
"Okay take off all your clothes and put this on" she instructed me in Chinese.
My eyes widened.
"All of my clothes?"
She smiled and gave me this face that said this wasn't the first time a patient incredulously asked her that question. She seemed to take enjoyment in my shock.
"All of your clothes"
No one told me I had to get naked. I purposely even dressed down for the occasion; just a t-shirt and jeans. I assumed I'd just have to hike up my t-shirt and maybe pull my jeans down a bit just to expose the area she'd need to take the x-ray. And frankly, if I'd known, I'd probably have done them the courtesy of taking a shower before going. Thankfully, the gown she gave me was about 5 sizes too big, so I didn't have to worry about my non-existent ass being exposed.
The office was cold.
For most of the positions I had to lie in, it usually involved lying on my stomach. I kept worrying that the gown would open up and give her a nice view of my bony butt. For all I know, maybe it did, but I'm pretty sure I didn't. The best part was the last position, where I simply laid on my back. She took a metal plate and laid it on my crotch.
"This is just protection for your penis" she informed me.
I get the test results in a week.

Umm

When trying to sell glasses and the customer picks up a pair of rimless glasses, I usually try to discourage them from buying them. I tell them it makes them look old. Unless they enjoy looking old or they actually are old.
As of today, I can no longer say it.



Glasses courtesy of my workplace. I didn't choose these, my coworker and boss did. I wanted the typical nerdy plastic frames I usually wear, but they wanted me to go with something I could wear to work. So this is what I got.
The worst part of all this is that I have to pay for them. $255, which if you consider how much it would have normally cost me at retail price (something close to $800), is pretty good. But I practically got forced to buy something I didn't want.
I'm still undecided if I'm gonna wear these outside of work.

And no, I don't know why I keep making faces when I take pictures of myself either.

For Giostra

Happy Birthday to my friend Stephanie, a huge source of inspiration. I owe a lot more to Asian Avenue than I really care to admit.

Tinfoil

I've had this pain in my side since last summer. It's not a muscle pain; it's internal, so I'm sure it's one of my organs. It used to hurt every time I bent over, but being the inactive and lazy person I am, I rarely needed to bend over (get your mind out of the gutter), so I rarely noticed it. But it's been with me all this time. Yesterday, the pain became constant. I'm pretty worried about what it actually is. I gotta book a doctor's appointment soon. I'm hoping it's either something really cool (congenital twin?) or something minor (kidney stone?) and nothing something serious (cancer?). I have to admit my imagination is running pretty wild; it's hard not to think about it since the pain is always there.

In other news, I finally bought the first Limblifter album off iTunes. 13 years late, but better than never. Laugh at me all you want for buying music online, but I couldn't find it anywhere online and the torrent for it downloaded literally 99.1% of the album and then died.
Man, I miss Canadian rock.

Paul Young Fuck Yeah

I nearly started singing in the middle of the mall today. And not just softly singing either. I mean karaoke-style belting out. I don't sing aloud often, but when I do, it's usually for a song I love.
Today, they were playing Paul Young's 'Every Time You Go Away'.



I kind of wish I had sung now. How can you not feel this song?*

*I'm not being ironic. I genuinely love this song. Along with Sade's 'Smooth Operator', Wham's 'Careless Whisper', Dan Fogelberg's 'Longer', Michael Jackson's 'Billie Jean' and Simon and Garfunkel's greatest hits, I was pretty much raised on this song. Oh and a shitload of Bee Gees too.

G2

Got a nice little reminder in the mail today from the Ministry of Transportation; my G2 expires in July. So it looks like I gotta get my G. I thought I had something like 2 more years left.
I hate driving. I find it very stressful. I'm not sure if it's because it really is stressful or I happen to just be a very stressed out person. I haven't driven in something like 2 years and even though the TTC can be a real bitch sometimes, overall, I'm pretty happy that I haven't driven.
I'm gonna have to start practicing ASAP again, which won't be so fun. The road conditions aren't exactly ideal for getting back into the swing of things, but that's what I get for leaving this stuff until the very last minute.

Let's hope I don't book the wrong driving test online again.

Cool beans

Congrats to Schemes for putting on an awesome fun show last night. The music was great and it was nice to see people that I barely see anymore. Getting my ass groped by girls definitely helped too.

On an unrelated note, next to Machotaildrop, this is another movie I wanna check out in 2010.

Memorable Quotes:
"Make sure you cream yourself tonight"
-Ani, with her own unique way of reminding me to apply lotion due to my chronic dry skin

Memorable Quotes:
"It's like you're losing your face to your neck"
-Mrs. Sergio Attardo's way of telling Mr. Sergio Attardo that he's turning into a fatty

"C'mon! It's the closest you'll ever get to my mouth"
-Ani's way of persuading me to let her steal a drag off my cigarette

Sneakerhoe

My friend Julie is getting married. It's strange; not because she's getting married, but because I've hung out with her a total of 2 or 3 times in my entire life and we don't even keep in touch online that often and yet, I've never been so happy for someone I barely know.
Anyway, she asked me to be the wedding photographer. It's a scary gig. I've done photography gigs as a party photographer and even then, I could barely hold up. Sergio's wedding doesn't count. It was just a loophole to get a non-Witness into the wedding. The photos I took that day were absolute shit.

I don't even know what wedding photos are supposed to look like. I'm gonna have some studying up to do. Thankfully, it won't happen for another year, so I have plenty of time.

And even though she won't read this: congratulations again, Julie!

Lame

I'm taking a communications course. It's a mandatory course; can't graduate without it. The first class last week was sort of a standard class. Icebreaker activities and what not, so I couldn't really gauge what the course was going to be like yet.
And now that I've had my second class, I think I can say it's the corniest class I've ever been in. At one point, Ani leaned over and whispered "I feel like we're in an anger management class". And she's right. The lectures are about how we communicate and how we can be better at communicating with one another. We had to fill in these sheets that forced us to try and look deep into ourselves, because you can't communicate if you don't know yourself. One girl told the class that she was trying to be a human being. WTF.

So yeah, it looks like I'll be skipping this class often.

Who's your daddy?

The other day, I discovered there's an optical store in Toronto called Siht Optical. My coworker and I hypothesized that perhaps there was a 'g' missing and that it was a typo. But no. It's Siht Optical. It's more than likely the owner's last name. I guess he/she's never been to elementary school or high school in North America. Because otherwise, they would have been taunted relentlessly and would know better than to name an optical store with their last name.

My coworker also discovered porn on my boss's laptop. She discovered a movie file titled 'Kerri Sable - Who's Your Daddy?' in the download folder. She had to Google Kerri Sable to figure out who she was. Luckily (and unfortunately), it's not my boss's. It's mine.
Kidding.
It's the boss's son's. I actually wish it was my boss's, just so I could occasionally say the phrase "Who's your daddy?" in front of him and see what his reaction would be. And in what context would I ever say that to my boss? I have no idea.

Nothing Ever Happened

It looks like I'm going to see Spoon and Deerhunter in March. I'm pretty stoked. I like Deerhunter the same way I like Joy Division; there's a good chunk of their material that I can't stand (and that's saying a lot, considering how often they put out new stuff), but the songs I do like, I fucking love. Hope to see you there.

Wow

Machotaildrop

It tries a bit too hard with the "quirky" factor and using skateboarding as a plot device seems contrived (they could have done this with any other sport), but I still kind of want to watch this.



But having Steve Olson and Rick McCrank in the movie is pretty cool, though.

More Cushin' for the pushin'? No? Okay.

If you know me well, you'll know that I don't watch a lot (or any) television. So it's not a big surprise that I ended up dispensing glasses to Christine Cushing (or rather, her mother) without realizing who she was. I know her name, but I had no idea what she did until Ani told me (she was originally Ani's customer). And I definitely had no idea what she looks like. If you told me to pick her out of a line-up, I'd probably pick the fat, balding dude in the group. For what it's worth, she's incredibly nice.
So yeah. That's two local celebrity sightings in a week. Who knows, maybe I'll get to meet Mark Dailey next. That guy is fucking awesome.

Romeo

Sergio and I saw Mark Taylor at Walmart last night. You might not know who Mark Taylor is, but I assure you, you know who he is. He's better known as "That guy. You know, on that one show. He also plays some other dude in some other show". He's also known as Romeo in Student Bodies. What astounds me is that I can never remember if I locked the door to the house when I go out, but I can somehow remember a character's name in a Canadian pre-teen sitcom that I never even watched.

He bought toilet paper.

Memorable Quotes:
"Any way you need it,
That's the way you need it,
Chocolate chips are good to eat!"
-Sergio, singing Journey's 'Any Way You Want It'

Help me, Tyra

You're fucking right I do.

Turrible

What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg?

Eileen.

But what do you call a Chinese woman with one arm and one leg?

Irene.

The small things

The little things I find enjoyment in:
-a Coke with my meals, which I don't drink until the end
-when my photos turn out
-when I intentionally make a joke and people actually laugh. Hard.
-when I spend a whole day cleaning my room and it actually shows
-when they play a song on the radio or in a store that I really like, even if it's a song I've heard a million times before
-not having to set my alarm clock because I don't have to wake up early the next day
-coffee and shooting the shit with friends
-finding money in a pair of pants that I forgot about (it happens pretty often)
-coming across a song I really liked but completely forgot about
-when I'm the only one up in the mornings and I can enjoy my coffee quietly
-having one of those trips home where I catch the subway and the bus right as they arrive
-"Wow, I have more money in the bank than I remembered" (rarely happens)

That's all I can think of at this hour.

What a way to start a year.