What a way to end a year.

Das Racist

Memorable Quotes:
"I don't like this. It reminds me of Indians"
-Michelle, looking at jewellery at H&M

From Lenny

So it's pretty much offical: I'll never have a boring life* again.


My best Vince impression. Also, what the fuck is up with my jawbone? It looks like I have some weird growth.


*tuna

Geek humor

I haven't seen Avatar, but I know there's something called "unobtainium" in it that the humans are fighting with the oversized Smurfs over. It's a little ridiculous, but calling it unobtainium kinda makes sense.

So why did they name adamantium after this guy?

xmas

RAWR, MERRY CHRISTMAS MOTHERFUCKERS! *rips shirt off*

The most ridiculous conversation ever

So I was eating dinner with my parents. I was facing the patio door. My mom was talking about...I don't remember. She could tell I wasn't listening because I was busy staring at something outside.
"[Blah blah blah blah or that noise the adults make in Charlie Brown cartoons]...what are you looking at?"
"A cat"
My mom looked, but the cat had already gone.
"Are you sure it wasn't a raccoon?"
"No. It was orange"
"...You saw an orange outside?"
"*sigh* No, I saw a cat. A cat that was orange"
I was met with a blank stare.
"You know...an ORANGE CAT?"
"An...orange...cat?"
"YES!"
"Are you playing with me?"
"What?"
"There's no such thing as an orange cat"
"Are you kidding me?!?!? Of course there's such thing as an orange cat!"
"I've never seen one ever before and I'm over 50"
"They totally exist...Garfield is orange!"
"He's a cartoon"
"Okay, bad example. But they exist! I can understand if you've never seen one when you were young and in China, but you've been in Canada for over 30 years! How have you never seen an orange cat?"
She shrugged. Then my dad chirped in.
"Maybe one day you'll show us a green dog too"

Frustration

I figured out on Sunday how much 20 minutes of my time is worth, apparently. It's worth exactly $452. The value may change in the future, but on Sunday, it was worth $452 dollars.

I had to cater to two air-headed women, trying to suppress my urge to yell at them to get the hell out of the store while we were closing. You either have to be either incredibly oblivious or have a lot of nerve to walk into a store when they're clearly closing. It's okay if you don't know what time the mall closes, but the fact that the staff are vacuuming the store might be a hint. And when you ask what time the store closes and the staff more or less answer with "Now", the considerate thing is to say "Oh sorry" and leave. Not continue looking at whatever the hell the store is selling. At first, I was trying to subtly discourage them from buying, by telling them most of what they tried on looked ugly on them. I'd have just told them they were too ugly for anything, but that's pushing it a little too much.
Then one of them found a pair of sunglasses she really liked. So I figured it'd be easier to just convince her to buy them instead of discouraging her. Ani helped too. I dunno about her, but I've never tried so hard to sell overpriced ($400) sunglasses to someone in my life. I once sold a pair of $1200 sunglasses and had an easier time. It was ridiculous how much I was holding back. She took forever to decide.
Skipping forward, she finally decided to buy it. She handed me her debit card. I had it in my hand. I was in the middle of punching the amount into the machine when I told her the total amount.
"That's $452 total"
She didn't take into account the tax. Paying $400 was okay for sunglasses, but not $452. So she had to call her mom for advice. She must have been my age. Maybe older. If you're 26 and you need to call your mom on whether or not you should spend your own money, you're not ready to be on your own. The mother said no. Although, the girl pointed out something didn't make sense: "That was advice from a woman who spends $3000 on sunglasses". SO THEN WHY ARE YOU TAKING HER ADVICE? Ani and I both had to smile like it was all gravy as she and her friend walked out. The reason spoiled people are spoiled is because no one's taken the time to kick their asses. I work in a mall that caters to people who have never had their asses kicked.
We weren't near done closing the store and this daffy bitch held us up for 20 minutes for nothing. If she had bought it, it would at least have been worth my while. And that's how I've deduced that 20 minutes of my time is worth $452. Meaning an hour of my time is worth $1356.

Damn, I cost about as much as a high class hooker. That is how much a high class hooker costs, right? That seems expensive enough.

2011

School's over. I should be feeling a little happier, but I just mostly want to sleep. I can't wait to see what my grades look like.

Mark and I are undertaking a new project in 2010. I'm genuinely excited about it. I wanna say more about it, and I know I got a big mouth, but this time keeping my mouth shut will probably be more beneficial.

Lies

"Yeah, so tonight, I told Kathy that Gene ran away from home so I could come over"
"Jesus! That's horrible!"
"Yeah, I know. A few months back, I also told her Gene got hit by a car and that I had to go visit him at the hospital"
"Holy shit, dude. You didn't even tell me this! What if I bumped into Kathy and she started asking me about Gene?"
"Yeah, I didn't really start thinking about that until just now"

WTF

I should be studying for tomorrow's exam, but this couldn't wait. Normally, this wouldn't warrant a blog post, but the Back To The Future trilogy, along with Robocop, was a huge part of my childhood. So imagine how much of a mindfuck this was when I came across this:



Seriously. There isn't even any room for ambiguity here. You can't even argue that this kid maybe was implying something else. He's just fucked up.

I'm kind of like a big deal

I never wrote good essays. I barely grasped the concept of an essay in high school and in university, I was more concerned about how I was supposed to fill up 15 pages worth of bullshit. The majority of them were given C grades. So I was happy my prof commended me last week on my Smiths paper; it was my first bonafide essay I've had to write since graduating university.
When he first assigned it, the prof mentioned that whoever wrote the best paper would be rewarded. Guess who got rewarded?



I'm not really all that fascinated by the Beatles, but it sure felt good to know I beat out everyone else in the class. Funny thing is my mark wasn't that high.

But who am I kidding. This is a college class about rock and roll. If you want real academia, talk to S.C. about that shit.

Merry Christmas, mon

One of the things I secretly like is the Christmas music they play in stores/malls during Christmas. I know it annoys a lot of people, especially those who have to work in those stores/malls, since it's non-stop and they usually start playing the music as early as November. I think I just like it because I've sort of lost that whole holiday cheer over the years and hearing it brings back what little Christmas spirit I have left.

Except last week. I heard the worst rendition of Jingle Bells ever. I was killing time at Chapters before work, when it came on. I didn't notice it at first; it just sounded like any other bad version of Jingle Bells. They put a country spin on it. What made me start paying attention to it was the fact that I could have sworn they said something about Rastas, reggae and jerk chicken. I shit you not. I looked up from the magazine I was reading and strained to listen to the words. At the end of the song, the singer talked a bit as the band kept playing. He was talking in a pisstake of a Patois accent. If I could remember what he was saying, I'd write it.
Again, it was a cover of Jingle Bells, played in the style of country music, but with words switched up so it was some Rasta version of the lyrics. The guy still sang with a country twang though. It was as if a bunch of racist hillbillies played it to mock Rastas. I couldn't believe they were playing this at Chapters. I was really tempted to go to the front desk and ask them who that band was, just for curiosity's sake.

gloating and dinner

Apparently, my prof enjoyed my paper on The Smiths. Enough to single me out in class. I have to admit it's pretty awesome to have a teacher tell everyone how good your shit is, since he didn't do it for anyone else. I never had that in elementary school or high school. Frankly, I would have been happy enough if he just told me privately, but it felt great to rub it in the faces of all the kiss-asses in the class. They'd probably be less subtle about sucking the prof's dick (proverbially) if they just sucked his dick (literally).
The point of this is that I'm awesome. Oh, and I ended up giving my paper the title 'These Charming Men: The Smiths and their Ordinary Revolution'. Pretentious, huh?

Staff dinner last night. Still not sure what to think of it. It was nice to see everyone out of work mode, but there was still this lingering feeling of restraint. We couldn't be ourselves because the bosses were still there. Aside from a corny joke that I told to the entire table, I barely said anything. I can't make small talk to anyone, and the only thing I have in common with my coworkers is mostly work. And I can't talk about work in front of my bosses, because it'd mostly be me bitching about work. So yeah, it left me with very little to say.
On the bright side, I got a nice bottle of cologne and a nice surprise in my card, which I've yet to thank my bosses for. I hope I don't forget to thank them today.

Aside from that and the fact that I'm still busy as hell, not much else is going on. As if you asked.

Potent Quotables

I have absolutely no idea what's going on these days. I'm completely lost at school and I just sort of float by, half-awake at work. I hope I can collect myself during the Christmas break and snap out of it.

In completely unrelated news, I was recently threatened by Sergio, who said "I'll Ghostface Kill-your-ass!". Quotable win.