Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Das Racist
Memorable Quotes:
"I don't like this. It reminds me of Indians"
-Michelle, looking at jewellery at H&M
"I don't like this. It reminds me of Indians"
-Michelle, looking at jewellery at H&M
Monday, December 28, 2009
From Lenny
So it's pretty much offical: I'll never have a boring life* again.
My best Vince impression. Also, what the fuck is up with my jawbone? It looks like I have some weird growth.
*tuna
My best Vince impression. Also, what the fuck is up with my jawbone? It looks like I have some weird growth.
*tuna
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Geek humor
I haven't seen Avatar, but I know there's something called "unobtainium" in it that the humans are fighting with the oversized Smurfs over. It's a little ridiculous, but calling it unobtainium kinda makes sense.
So why did they name adamantium after this guy?
So why did they name adamantium after this guy?
Friday, December 25, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
The most ridiculous conversation ever
So I was eating dinner with my parents. I was facing the patio door. My mom was talking about...I don't remember. She could tell I wasn't listening because I was busy staring at something outside.
"[Blah blah blah blah or that noise the adults make in Charlie Brown cartoons]...what are you looking at?"
"A cat"
My mom looked, but the cat had already gone.
"Are you sure it wasn't a raccoon?"
"No. It was orange"
"...You saw an orange outside?"
"*sigh* No, I saw a cat. A cat that was orange"
I was met with a blank stare.
"You know...an ORANGE CAT?"
"An...orange...cat?"
"YES!"
"Are you playing with me?"
"What?"
"There's no such thing as an orange cat"
"Are you kidding me?!?!? Of course there's such thing as an orange cat!"
"I've never seen one ever before and I'm over 50"
"They totally exist...Garfield is orange!"
"He's a cartoon"
"Okay, bad example. But they exist! I can understand if you've never seen one when you were young and in China, but you've been in Canada for over 30 years! How have you never seen an orange cat?"
She shrugged. Then my dad chirped in.
"Maybe one day you'll show us a green dog too"
"[Blah blah blah blah or that noise the adults make in Charlie Brown cartoons]...what are you looking at?"
"A cat"
My mom looked, but the cat had already gone.
"Are you sure it wasn't a raccoon?"
"No. It was orange"
"...You saw an orange outside?"
"*sigh* No, I saw a cat. A cat that was orange"
I was met with a blank stare.
"You know...an ORANGE CAT?"
"An...orange...cat?"
"YES!"
"Are you playing with me?"
"What?"
"There's no such thing as an orange cat"
"Are you kidding me?!?!? Of course there's such thing as an orange cat!"
"I've never seen one ever before and I'm over 50"
"They totally exist...Garfield is orange!"
"He's a cartoon"
"Okay, bad example. But they exist! I can understand if you've never seen one when you were young and in China, but you've been in Canada for over 30 years! How have you never seen an orange cat?"
She shrugged. Then my dad chirped in.
"Maybe one day you'll show us a green dog too"
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Frustration
I figured out on Sunday how much 20 minutes of my time is worth, apparently. It's worth exactly $452. The value may change in the future, but on Sunday, it was worth $452 dollars.
I had to cater to two air-headed women, trying to suppress my urge to yell at them to get the hell out of the store while we were closing. You either have to be either incredibly oblivious or have a lot of nerve to walk into a store when they're clearly closing. It's okay if you don't know what time the mall closes, but the fact that the staff are vacuuming the store might be a hint. And when you ask what time the store closes and the staff more or less answer with "Now", the considerate thing is to say "Oh sorry" and leave. Not continue looking at whatever the hell the store is selling. At first, I was trying to subtly discourage them from buying, by telling them most of what they tried on looked ugly on them. I'd have just told them they were too ugly for anything, but that's pushing it a little too much.
Then one of them found a pair of sunglasses she really liked. So I figured it'd be easier to just convince her to buy them instead of discouraging her. Ani helped too. I dunno about her, but I've never tried so hard to sell overpriced ($400) sunglasses to someone in my life. I once sold a pair of $1200 sunglasses and had an easier time. It was ridiculous how much I was holding back. She took forever to decide.
Skipping forward, she finally decided to buy it. She handed me her debit card. I had it in my hand. I was in the middle of punching the amount into the machine when I told her the total amount.
"That's $452 total"
She didn't take into account the tax. Paying $400 was okay for sunglasses, but not $452. So she had to call her mom for advice. She must have been my age. Maybe older. If you're 26 and you need to call your mom on whether or not you should spend your own money, you're not ready to be on your own. The mother said no. Although, the girl pointed out something didn't make sense: "That was advice from a woman who spends $3000 on sunglasses". SO THEN WHY ARE YOU TAKING HER ADVICE? Ani and I both had to smile like it was all gravy as she and her friend walked out. The reason spoiled people are spoiled is because no one's taken the time to kick their asses. I work in a mall that caters to people who have never had their asses kicked.
We weren't near done closing the store and this daffy bitch held us up for 20 minutes for nothing. If she had bought it, it would at least have been worth my while. And that's how I've deduced that 20 minutes of my time is worth $452. Meaning an hour of my time is worth $1356.
Damn, I cost about as much as a high class hooker. That is how much a high class hooker costs, right? That seems expensive enough.
I had to cater to two air-headed women, trying to suppress my urge to yell at them to get the hell out of the store while we were closing. You either have to be either incredibly oblivious or have a lot of nerve to walk into a store when they're clearly closing. It's okay if you don't know what time the mall closes, but the fact that the staff are vacuuming the store might be a hint. And when you ask what time the store closes and the staff more or less answer with "Now", the considerate thing is to say "Oh sorry" and leave. Not continue looking at whatever the hell the store is selling. At first, I was trying to subtly discourage them from buying, by telling them most of what they tried on looked ugly on them. I'd have just told them they were too ugly for anything, but that's pushing it a little too much.
Then one of them found a pair of sunglasses she really liked. So I figured it'd be easier to just convince her to buy them instead of discouraging her. Ani helped too. I dunno about her, but I've never tried so hard to sell overpriced ($400) sunglasses to someone in my life. I once sold a pair of $1200 sunglasses and had an easier time. It was ridiculous how much I was holding back. She took forever to decide.
Skipping forward, she finally decided to buy it. She handed me her debit card. I had it in my hand. I was in the middle of punching the amount into the machine when I told her the total amount.
"That's $452 total"
She didn't take into account the tax. Paying $400 was okay for sunglasses, but not $452. So she had to call her mom for advice. She must have been my age. Maybe older. If you're 26 and you need to call your mom on whether or not you should spend your own money, you're not ready to be on your own. The mother said no. Although, the girl pointed out something didn't make sense: "That was advice from a woman who spends $3000 on sunglasses". SO THEN WHY ARE YOU TAKING HER ADVICE? Ani and I both had to smile like it was all gravy as she and her friend walked out. The reason spoiled people are spoiled is because no one's taken the time to kick their asses. I work in a mall that caters to people who have never had their asses kicked.
We weren't near done closing the store and this daffy bitch held us up for 20 minutes for nothing. If she had bought it, it would at least have been worth my while. And that's how I've deduced that 20 minutes of my time is worth $452. Meaning an hour of my time is worth $1356.
Damn, I cost about as much as a high class hooker. That is how much a high class hooker costs, right? That seems expensive enough.
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