Correction

Okay, so if you're reading this and you haven't read the entry below...read that first. Go ahead. I'll wait.




Done? No? Jeez, what are you, illiterate? I said I'd wait, but I don't have all day.



Done? Good.

So this is an addenum to the previous entry; the contact-lens-fitting-party is now also a housewarming party. Mixing business with pleasure is what I do best. I feel kind of lame having a housewarming party nearly two months after I've moved in, but at the insistence of certain friends and to make the contact lens fitting less lame, I've caved.
If you really think about it, nothing's actually changed. Friends will be over and I'll still stick contact lenses in their eyes. Really, it's just the addition of certain vices and libations that make it a housewarming party. And to be honest, I was gonna indulge in those afterward anyway. Alcohol makes everything better, right?

Have courage, will practice

So studying's been going pretty shitty. Thankfully, that's okay! It turns out I was over studying, despite the fact that I've maybe only studied a total of 2.5 hours. I got a hold of the exam outline earlier this week and discovered, it's 99% skill-based. Meaning no theory. Which is what I've been sort-of studying. Meaning I wasted 2.5 hours of my life, when it could have been better used to...do other stuff. No, I don't know what other stuff. What are you, the time management police or something?

But just because I don't have to study anymore doesn't mean I don't need to practice. I'm pretty well covered for most of the exam, but there's one little part that I'm having trouble with: insertion and removal of hard contact lenses on a patient. They're not like soft contacts in that you can just stick `em in and pluck them out at will. Well, the sticking in part is the same, but taking them out is a whole other thing in itself. It involves a particular method you have to use. It's not difficult, but it is tricky. And it gets even trickier with certain types of people (ASIANS!). I used to be pretty decent at it, but for some reason, I became increasingly nervous. By the end of it, on my final exam, I choked and the examiner had to end up doing it for me. And since then, I haven't touched them. So my skills on that section are rusty to the say the least.

Which is where you, my favoritest person in the world, come in. I need to brush up on my hard contact skills and I can't do it without people to practice on. I've been asking all my friends to come over next Sunday (October 9th) so that I can practice on everyone; I need as many people as I can so I can get used to any type of person and any type of eye (including ASIANS!).

But I don't want to feel like I've conned anyone, so I should warn you the shit ain't comfortable. It doesn't hurt, though. Ever have something fly right into your eye? Like a tiny speck of dirt or dust? It feels like that, only it feels like that all the time. Again, it doesn't hurt, but chances are the first words coming out of your mouth will be "Okay, get it out. Now. Getitoutgetitoutgetitout etc." I'm not trying to scare anyone; it's just so you know what to expect. It won't be comfortable, but it's not like I'm gonna leave it in your eye for a few hours. As soon as it's in, I'm gonna take it out. But make sure you stay calm; the more you squirm and whine, the harder it is for me to take out the lens and the longer it'll stay in your eye.

Obviously, I wouldn't ask for help from my friends without doing something in return. So, after my exam, I'll take everyone out for dinner. I don't know if it'll be everyone all at once or if it'll be in small groups or if I'll have to end up taking each person out one by one, but we can figure that out later. The point is, you're getting free food. At the place of your choice, with no budget restraints. So if you're feeling brave and have my contact info, let me know if you're in (I don't know why I'm doing this; just about everyone I wanted to ask has already been asked). I promise I won't completely blind you.

The Scarborough Computer

Back in 2007, my PC died. It died a slow death; it got slower and slower, then kept crashing and eventually, it couldn't even boot up. I had a reputation in my household for killing every single computer I touched, so I didn't bother to tell my parents. I simply moved on to using my Macbook all the time. I'd occasionally use my mom's computer if I needed to write essays or assignments (my Macbook doesn't have a decent word processor and I was too cheap to buy a copy of Word for it), which would always result in my dad asking me why I didn't use my own computer. I'd never have an answer for him. Surprisingly, he was never able to put two and two together, but I preferred it that way.

Shortly after I moved out, my dad took it upon himself to clean out my room. It's a huge task to take on; I've been trying to clean my room for years, but I'd always give up halfway through because there was simply too much shit. Plus, I'm a pack rat, so I couldn't bring myself to throw out a lot of stuff. But since my shit has no sentimental value to my dad, he was able to plow through everything. My dad's hella proud of the job he did, and frankly, so am I. My room actually has an echo now; there used to be so much shit in my room, everything absorbed the sound. It was like being in a vacuum.
I guess the whole "fresh start" thing made me decide to give my PC another go. No dice; I was met with a blank screen. But I couldn't turn it off, because the power button apparently only turns on the computer, not off. So I hit the reset button. And for some reason, it worked!
Or rather, it works as well as a computer that hasn't been used in 4 years can possibly work. It's slow as shit, but what I'm happy about is the fact that I managed to retrieve files I thought were lost forever. It's funny to see the weird shit I saved or screen captured...

A screen capture from a video chat I had with Owen. He was wearing his parents' coat and hat and pretended to be a pimp.

Owen ain't down with misery (misery ain't pimp enough).

I laughed at this 4+ years ago and I still find it funny.

Jeff pieced together a panoramic shot (with me in every frame) of Kennedy Park. You gotta click on it to see the thing in full size, though.

SB.

FAT COCK.

And apparently, I like fat cocks.

And that's the note I'm gonna leave off on. Fat cocks.

New Experiences at Work!

I got hit on the other day. By a dude (not that there's anything wrong with that). An old dude (still nothing wrong with that). Normally, I'd be flattered if anyone hits on me, regardless of sex. Problem is all the staff already know who he is and he's garnered quite a reputation for being a creepy old pervert (he's already hit on two other guys, but more on that later).
He purchased a pair of glasses and while I was sitting down with him to go over his lens options and the price breakdown, he asked me if I was single. Then he began talking to me about the "Gotcha!" prank, which apparently nothing more than walking up to a guy, grabbing his nuts and saying "Gotcha!". Yeah, I have no idea how that's funny either. To make sure I got the picture, he began grabbing his own nuts. Repeatedly. You know, in case I happened to miss it the first 5 times he did it. Then he moved in real close and put his hand on mine and asked if I'd be grossed out or if I'd find it funny if it was done to me. I told him I'd find it funny*, just so I wouldn't alienate him. It's too bad he kept his hand on top of mine for an uncomfortably long time. Right as I was about to pull away, he finally took his hand back. If you've ever wondered "What could I do to creep Darren out so bad that he'll cry in the shower in the fetal position with his clothes on?", there's your answer.
I later related the story to Chris, my coworker. Turns out I got lucky; while I only got a visual demonstration, he and another guy that used to work with us both had a hands on demonstration with the whole nut-grabbing thing. I think from now on, I'll just let the ladies of the store handle him.

Self-Imposed Exile

I've recently decided to try to isolate myself and buckle down in order to prepare for my opticianry license exam. It's lame and I'm definitely going to catch some shit from certain people for behavior that probably seems a bit excessive. And trust me, it's not like I enjoy it either; I fucking hate studying. But consider this:

1) The license exam cost $1300. That's $1300 that I don't even have. I had to borrow it from my mom and coupled with the money I owe my dad, it'll take months to pay it off. I can't afford to fail and redo it. And when I say I can't afford it, I mean in more terms than just money: time, energy, sanity, etc.

2) I'm pretty rusty with my opticianry stuff. More than rusty, really; my opticianry knowledge is eroding. Unlike when I was still in school, I need to do more than just skim through my notes at the last minute. True, I've been working all this time, but the majority of the stuff I've been taught isn't even really used on a day-to-day basis at work. I have more use for hairstyling tips at my job than I do opticianry (you gotta see my bedhead on a bad day. It's horrible).

That's it, really. Just those two reasons. It doesn't mean you won't see me from time to time; there are way too many birthdays in October for me to miss. Besides, I can only be isolated for so long before I start to go crazy (or go even more crazy). You guys will see more of me after October 23. Until then, try not to miss me too much (LOL).