Mommy

Dear Amie,

Thank you for the following:

-for not doing that thing dad used to do. You know, when he'd stop, stare at me, let out a big sigh and then shake his head.
-for doing most of the cooking, because as much as I love dad, his cooking is horrible.
-for calling me at night when I'm out at night just to make sure I'm alive and that I'll get home okay. Certain friends rag on you for that, but fuck 'em.
-for putting up with all the weird phases I went though as a kid (I forgive you if you're the reason why my Marilyn Manson shirt went missing).
-for never complaining when I dump my dishes in the sink and walk off without washing them.
-for putting me through math school, Chinese school, Taekwondo lessons, piano lessons and swimming lessons, even though I hated nearly all of it.
-for nagging at me to take care of important stuff like looking for a job, making sure I graduate, taking care of bursaries and loans and getting my license. I fucking hate being nagged at, but the only reason why I ever did any of those things was just to shut you up, and if I didn't have that, I'd have never done any of it on my own.
-for not saying anything when I dated that one girl, even though you thought she was completely wrong for me.
-for teaching me to be self-sufficient. You know, even though you still cook my meals and wash my dishes.
-for pretending not to favor Gene over me (even though I know you and dad totally do).
-for picking up my dry cleaning.

Happy Birthday.

Love,
Your Greatest Son