Survey

Michelle made me a survey which I promised I would post here. She told me not to give "I dunno gayfag" answers.

How do you want to dress when you are 76 years old?
Like a 76 year old.

When was the last time you choked on something?
I think around last year, there was a whole week where my body just forgot how to swallow liquids, so I'd always sputter and choke.

Do you have a favourite shirt that you hope to have forever and ever?
I like my "crybaby" shirt a lot, even though it's got rips and pit stains.

What do you like about Scarborough?
Most of my friends live here and I know where everything is. That's about it.

If a thesaurus was a dinosaur what would you imagine it'd look like?
A velociraptor but with a book for a head.

What would you do if you were a girl for a day?
After staring at myself for half the day? I'd see how far my looks get me. Maybe start a riot grrrl band.


What would your cheesy personals ad say?
scrawny asian guy. desperate. smokes. currently unemployed and zero prospects.

What do you like to collect?
Christian tracts. It's kind of awful how a lot of them try to scare you into believing.

What qualities would your dream animal have?
See: Shmoo

Which dead person you think would be cool to hang out with?
Frank Sinatra.

What is the last joke you heard?
What’s black and white and red all over?
André Masson’s surrealist painting Panique (circa 1920).

You win a mirrion dorrar, would you get anything for your grandma(s) and what is it?
Yes and no. I wouldn't buy them anything; I'd just give them money for them to buy it themselves because I have no idea what grandmothers like. Or what mine like anyway.

Three things you are happy about currently?
1) I'm doing well in school.
2) I got free money today.
3) October and November seem like they're going to be fun months.

What is your favourite Madonna song?
Any one of her singles from "Bedtime Stories". That's the only time I remember her music being good. It may have had something to do with the onset of puberty as well.
'Frozen' wasn't bad either.

What have you done this year that you are proud of?
I figured out what I want to do.

Where do you want to visit really really really bad and why?
New York. I was bummed that I was broke this summer, otherwise I could have maybe tagged along with Lenny, Derek and Konwen.

What is a costume that you have worn that you thought was really cool and badass?
I think my Devo costume was the only one that was even close to decent. I did enjoy wearing my Joker plastic smock and face mask when I was 6. Everyone made fun of me for being the bad guy and not Batman. Fuckers.

Three things you have always wanted to try, and would if you had a ton of money and time?
1) Clay shooting. Or any kind of shooting.
2) Learn to play 'There Will Never Be Another You' on the trumpet.
3) Punching Leah Miller in the face.

What things make you gag or throw up?
I gag at whiskey/scotch/whatever now. I spewed it all over Mark's kitchen table this summer trying to down a shot.

Skillz you want to have?
Dancing skills, ass-kicking skills, music skillzzzzz.

When was the last time you ate shit, or almost ate shit?
A few weeks ago, I walked down my hardwood stairs wearing slippery socks. I wasn't even running, but somehow, I slipped out and fell on my back, hip and elbow. Then I slid down the remaining 5 or 6 stairs. My mom found me laughing and wincing at the same time.

How do you maintain your good looks and girlish figure so well?
Smokes and cokes.

If Darren does it better, who does it best?
Michelle Lai.