Not normal

What does it mean when they're drawing blood from you at the lab and two and a half test tubes full of blood later, your blood flow slows to a trickle and eventually stops all together? For a second, I thought "Oh shit, is that all the blood I have in my body?" and expected to drop dead.
"Is this normal?"
"Nope"
They ended up sticking a new needle into my other arm. I'm tired now. Nap time.

pr0nz

As far as WTF moments at work go, I think I reached the peak today. And I've worked with a lady who caught a pigeon off a balcony, took it home and cooked it in soup.

My coworkers at work are a pretty cool bunch. I get a long with all of them, which hasn't happened in a long time (not including the times I've worked with friends). They're people I wouldn't even mind hanging out with outside of work. One of these people is Sal. I get along with him the most probably just because he doesn't put up a front; the way he talks to you is how he talks to everyone.
We have two stores in the mall and Sal works at the one I'm rarely at. I dropped by the other store today to quickly get something. Sal was in the tiny back room doing God knows what. When he saw me, he excitedly held up his PDA with a cracked LCD screen and giddily informed me that he had porn on his PDA/phone. I was busy trying to find what I needed and didn't want to get in trouble for being gone too long, plus I've seen porn before, so I was dismissive.
"That's nice, Sal"
He persisted.
"Look! Look! Look!"
So I looked. It was amateur porn. You see a somewhat scrawny guy handling the camera, setting it up in position to film himself. In walks a naked girl and the action began. As far as porn goes, I've seen more exciting stuff.
"You gotta watch this part!" he said as he fast forwarded.
We got to the part he was talking about. We waited and waited to see...the dude bending over and slapping the girl's ass as she was giving him a BJ. Sal laughed his ass off. I was thoroughly disappointed. It was as if Sal had never seen porn before, and this guy talks about how he's fucked almost every girl that works in the mall.
"So what's the big deal? Why are you showing me this?"
"THAT'S ME!!!" he squealed.
What a weird situation to be in. My coworker is willingly and excitedly showing me his own sex tape at work. It was pretty out in the open too; customers could see right into the backroom. My boss wasn't there, but she could have easily walked in any second. But it was the first part that really weirded me out. Again: my coworker wanted me to watch him fuck. At work. The video suddenly got way less sexy after realizing the naked dude was Sal.
I found what I needed to get and got out of there.

So...that's the best work story I've had in a while.

Jon Arbuckle

Owen got me a 'Garfield Minus Garfield' book for my birthday. I always thought they were funny, and they still are. But then I realized how inherently depressing it is, if not slightly disturbing. Either he's pointing just how much of a loser he is, or he just comes off as batshit insane.

Self-loathing:


Batshit insane:


I just look at it as black humor. And thankfully, I like black humor.

Thanks to everyone that texted me yesterday or hung out with me. I didn't seem nearly as grateful as I really was, but rest assured it felt great to know that people remembered.

Thinner

I weighed myself the other day, because I hadn't weighed myself since April. I've always hovered around 120 lbs. but now I'm at 113. So I think something is wrong. I always thought I was underweight because I have pretty fast metabolism, but I shouldn't be losing weight. It's not like I haven't been eating either. My eating habits haven't changed, so I'm not sure what it could be. I think I should go see a doctor soon.

I hope it's not worms.

Michael J Fox

Goddamnit, Gene. How the hell do you have Michael J Fox as a friend on Facebook but not your own brother?

"He looks like a Filipino superstar"

Happy birthday, Lenny!